hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
she pinky promised me she was 18
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
