she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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