i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
