I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Randomize
