so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize