Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
My sheets look like a crime scene.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
