So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
nutella sex= disaster
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
