so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just want nice things and good sex
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
