I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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