wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
