I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize