Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
