mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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