so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize