You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
