I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
