Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
her vagine was all disorganized.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
