I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
