i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
