I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
