I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
