so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
