I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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