They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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