Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
