I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
There are leaves in my underwear?
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