All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
