i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
