just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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