Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(217): View more from Illinois

I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.

Fav 14 2364 871
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(904): View more from Florida

Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.

Fav 50 4354 950
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(760): View more from California

What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?

Fav 30 5618 1060
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(573): View more from Missouri

Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby

Fav 7 2889 1298
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(305): View more from Florida

Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.

Fav 12 1305 1635
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(319): View more from Iowa

Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?

Fav 14 1436 864
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(519): View more from Ontario

Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning

(416): View more from Toronto

Thats for me to know and you to find out.

Fav 1 1427 698
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(803): View more from South Carolina

I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C

Fav 2 267 369
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(616): View more from Michigan

you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.

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