she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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