even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
