I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I think a kid would responsible me up
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
my liver is dry heaving
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