WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
