Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
my shit smells like andre
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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