there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
