But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
