Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
