You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
