I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize