Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
