We named our party play list daddy issues
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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