lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
