Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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