he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
