Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I'm passing your future prison.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
