I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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