I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize