i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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