I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
