the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
