he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
