I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
