So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Randomize
