Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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