he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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