Moan for me like Helen Keller
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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