you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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