He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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