Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
