you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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