Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
