Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
