I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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