forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
