so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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