dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
