Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
