You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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