i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
