Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
