Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
