There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
