Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It's no shave November. This is our time.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
