I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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