i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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